Cowboy's guide to life
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Don't squat with your spurs on.
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Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
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The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm. The colder it gets,
the harder it is to swaller.
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If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
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Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco
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The biggest liar you'll ever have to deal with probably watches you shave
his face in the mirror every morning.
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Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
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Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew. Your mouth is probably
a whole lot bigger'n you think.
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Always drink upstream from the herd.
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Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
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Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.
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Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
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There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
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Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important
to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.
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The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back
in your pocket.
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If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
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Never ask a man the size of his spread.
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After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a
hunter came along and shot him. The moral: when you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
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It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
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Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
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If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
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When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be suprised if they learn their
lesson.
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The best way to have a quiche for dinner is to make it up and put it in the oven to bake at 325
degrees. Meanwhile, get out a large T-bone, grill it, and when it's done, eat it. As for the quiche,
continue to let it bake, but otherwise ignore it.
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When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
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Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
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A smart ass just don't fit in a saddle.
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Never miss a good chance to shut up.
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