Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and
deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual
activity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution,
and guilt for not sending out 50 billion fucking forwards sent to me by
people who actually believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year old
girl in Arkansas with lung cancer brought on by second-hand smoke from
the cigarettes smoked by the big bad men who kidnapped her and took
pornographic pictures of her for use on their child pornography web site
will get 6 fucking cents every time you send me the letter.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How fucking stupid are you?
Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get
laid by every Victoria's Secret model in the catalog! What a bunch of
bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people
out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid forwards.
Maybe the evil chainletter leprechauns will come into my dorm room and
sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started
by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on
the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the
Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant
stupidity. Fuck them.
If you're going to forward something, at least send something mildly
amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and
this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel
from some "omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually
contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own
unpopularity. Thank you, and feel free to delete this email without
sending it on to others (unless they have it coming).
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