When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion
which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and
Jacuzzi.

As they "oohed and aahed," the old man asked Peter how much all this was
going to cost.

"It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home
backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the
course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.

The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"

Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the
cuisines of the world laid out.

"How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" Peter replied with
some exasperation.

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked
timidly.

Peter lectured, "That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of
whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is
Heaven."

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and
stomping on it, and shrieking wildly.

Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.
The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it
weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years
ago!"
[an error occurred while processing this directive]