Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cutoffs and
halter tops.

They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing
than not.

Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike
shoes would have matching team colours.

June weddings would be scheduled around basketball
play-offs.

Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but
omit that "forsaking all others" part.

The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73
Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and
flame designs on the side of the car.

Better yet, a Harley!

Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they
were really old) would get punched in the head.

Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events
at half-time or between innings.

Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be
long.

Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive
compared to the cost of the bachelor party. The cost
of strippers and booze really does add up.

Instead of a sit down dinner or a buffet, there would
be a hog roast or buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty
of barbecue.

No one would bother with that "Veil Routine". But they
would insist that the garter be as high up on her leg
as it could go.
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