INTEROFFICE MEMORANDUM
 
   TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
 FROM: Human Resources
 
 It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
 throughout the company have been using foul language during the
 course of normal conversation with their coworkers.  Due to complaints
 received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of
 language will be no longer tolerated.
 
 We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to
 accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers,
 therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so
 that proper exchanges of ideas and information can continue in an
 effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
 
 SO...
 
   TRY SAYING
   Perhaps I can work late.
   INSTEAD OF
   When the fuck do you expect me to do this?
 
   TRY SAYING
   I'm certain that is not feasible.
   INSTEAD OF
   No fucking way!!
 
   TRY SAYING
   Really?
   INSTEAD OF
   You've got to be shitting me.
 
   TRY SAYING
   Perhaps you should check with...
   INSTEAD OF
   Tell someone who gives a shit.
 
   TRY SAYING
   Of course I'm concerned.
   INSTEAD OF
   Ask me if I give a shit.
 
   TRY SAYING
   I wasn't involved in the project.
   INSTEAD OF
   It's not my fucking problem.
 
   TRY SAYING
   That's interesting.
   INSTEAD OF
   What the fuck?!?!
 
   TRY SAYING
   I'm not sure I can implement this.
   INSTEAD OF
   Fuck it, it won't work.
 
   TRY SAYING
   I'll try to schedule that.
   INSTEAD OF
   Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
 
   TRY SAYING
   Are you sure this is a problem?
   INSTEAD OF
   Who the fuck cares?
 
   TRY SAYING
   He's not familiar with the problem.
   INSTEAD OF
   He's got his head up his ass.
 
   TRY SAYING
   Excuse me sir?
   INSTEAD OF
   Eat shit and die motherfucker.
 
   TRY SAYING
   So you weren't happy with it?
   INSTEAD OF
   Kiss my ass.
 
   TRY SAYING
   I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.
   INSTEAD OF
   Fuck it, I'm on salary.
 
   TRY SAYING
   I don't think you understand.
   INSTEAD OF
   Shove it up your ass.
 
   TRY SAYING
   I love a challenge.
   INSTEAD OF
   This job sucks.
 
   TRY SAYING
   You want me to take care of that?
   INSTEAD OF
   Who the hell died and made you boss?
 
   TRY SAYING
   I see.
   INSTEAD OF
   Blow me.
 
   TRY SAYING
   Yes, we really should discuss it.
   INSTEAD OF
   Another fucking meeting!!!
 
   TRY SAYING
   I don't think this will be a problem.
   INSTEAD OF
   I really don't give a shit.
 
   TRY SAYING
   He's somewhat insensitive.
   INSTEAD OF
   He's a fucking prick.
 
   TRY SAYING
   She's an aggressive go getter.
   INSTEAD OF
   She's a ball busting bitch.
 
   TRY SAYING
   I think you could use more training.
   INSTEAD OF
   You don't know what the fuck you're doing

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