Q: If I had a rooster, and you had
a donkey, and your donkey bit off
one of
my rooster's feet, what would you have?
A: One foot of my cock in your ass.
Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q: What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A: They can both smell it but can't eat it.
Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Q: What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried
Chicken?
A: By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all
you
have left
is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in
the end
you
lose your house.
Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw
Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing
off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
A: Put a nipple on it.
Q. What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use a lubricant.
Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women
wild?
A. Money
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q: What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q. How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen
donuts.
Q: Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!
Q: What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping
Tom?
A: One snatches watches. The other watches snatches.
Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?
A: More head room.
Q: What's the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A: One is a goodyear, and the other is a great year!!
Q: Why do the men in Scotland wear kilts?
A: Because the sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A. No one to talk to during orgasm.
Q. Did you hear about the 150 lb. man who had 75 lb. testicles?
A. He was half nuts!!!
Q. What do you call a blonde grabbing at air?
A. Collecting her thoughts
Q. How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?
A. Very satisfying.
Q. What do women and spaghetti have in common?
A. They both squirm when you eat them.
Q. Why don't chickens wear underwear?
A. Because their peckers are on their faces.
Q. Whats worse than lobsters on your piano?
A. Crabs on your organ.
Q. Whats the difference between Like and Love?
A. Spit and Swallow.
Q. How can you tell a macho woman?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
Q. What are the three greatest lies?
A. a) the check is in the mail
b) small is beatiful
c) I won't come in your mouth
Q. Why did the pervert cross the road?
A. Because he got his dick stuck in the chicken?
Q. Which of the following doesn't belong?
(a) meat
(b) eggs
(c) wife
(d) blowjob.
A. It's (d) a blowjob because it's possible to beat your meat,
your
eggs,
or your
wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
Q. What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?
A. Fucks funny
Q. Why did the condom fly across the room?
A. Because it got pissed off.
Q. What kind of bees give milk?
A. Boo bees.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. The balls are just for decoration.
Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A. Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.
Q. What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A. A bingo machine.
Q. Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
A. They have shaky hands!
Q. What is the area between the vagina and the anus called?
A. A chin rest.
Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A. It changes their blood type.
Q. What do Lifesavers do that a man can't?
A. Come in eight flavors.
Q. What was the first obscenity ever heard on TV?
A. "Ward, weren't you a little hard on the Beaver last night?"
Q. Do you know why it's called sex?
A. Because it's easier to spell
than..."Uhhhhh..oooohh...Ahhhhhh....AIIEEEEEEE!!!"
Q. But do you know what 6.9 is?
A. A good thing screwed up by a period.
Q. What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction?
A. A tea bag.
Q. If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks
in,
what do
you have?
A. Divorce proceedings, most likely.
Q. How do you scare a man?
A. Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of
driving.
Q. What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift to women?
A. Exchange him.
Q. What's a man's idea of a perfect date?
A. A woman who answers the door stark naked holding a six pack.
Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Q. How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
A. Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and
shake the
stove.
Q. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Q. How do you get a man to exercise?
A. Tie the TV remote control to his shoelaces.
Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know. It's never happened.
Q. What is a man's idea of safe sex?
A. A padded head board.
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