Airhead (er*hed) n.
----------------------
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n
-----------------------
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes,
diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but,
he, "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.
----------------------
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n
----------------------
Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.
----------------------
An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
----------------------
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound
bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
------------------------
The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v
----------------------
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n.
-----------------------------------
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the
store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
-----------------------------
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be
able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n
----------------------------------
Similar to a black hole in space-if he goes in, he
isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n.
--------------------------
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to
hold your hand and say "focus,...breathe...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n

--------------------
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth.
On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n.
----------------------
Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck."
After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n.
----------------------
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children.
See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
--------------------------------------------
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come
off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n
-------------------------------------.
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds,
and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

[an error occurred while processing this directive]